Monday, 26 September 2011


Hi folks. Have a busy day tomorrow so writing my blog a day early.
Please be warned, this blog contains scenes of a sexual nature, more than ever before. If you don't mind then please feel free to continue.

I was on Gaydar one night doing the usual, looking at profiles and chatting with the guys. There are two guys in particular I chat with and one of the two has the hots for me. Don't really know why I've told you that as it has no relevance whatsoever with tonight's confession.
Anyway, we were chatting along nicely and I received a private chat request. As usual I looked at the profile before accepting. His profile was one of those that only had a body pic and usually i reject any like that.
What stood out to me though was that though he was only showing his body, it was fully clothed and not naked like so many others. I accepted the invite.

His name was Chad and he was in his early 30's. I asked if he had any face pics and he replied yes and that he would send me one. A minute or so later the inbox on Gaydar flashed. I clicked on it and there it was, a face pic of Chad. He looked familiar.
I told him that I was sure I had seen him somewhere before. He confirmed that we had. As soon as he did, I remembered where. He had been a customer at where I used to work and would come in with his boyfriend. I asked if they were still together. They weren't.

We continued chatting and eventually came to the question that most guys ask when on Gaydar which is "So what are you looking for tonight"?
I said I was just up for chatting. That was not the case with Chad. He was up for sex and particularly with me. I told him to steady on there. That just fuelled his determination to bed me and he started to tell me what he wanted to do to me.
He wasn't looking for a relationship. He was just feeling horny and wanted to act on it.
It was then that I made a decision and do something I have never ever done before. I started to think how it would be nice to have a fuck buddy. Someone that I didn't want a relationship with but would be there if I fancied a shag. So I suggested that was all it would be and Chad agreed.
He continued with the dirty talk and I continued to play hard to get. There is something rather empowering when you know someone wants you and you practically make them beg for it. I have to say, I was having a rather jolly time having this power.

Eventually we approached the subject of whose place we would use. That was easy,definitely his. I said I didn't drive and since it was after eleven, there were no buses. He said he would pick me up in his car. There was no getting away from the fact that he was keen and once again I was in control, not that I ever lost control.
He picked me up a few minutes later and we went to his place which was about a ten minute drive. We made our way into his apartment which was lovely. It was very tidy due to the fact that he had a cleaner that came in a couple of times a week.
We sat down and spoke a little. He told me that there was a friend he was going to see at the weekend who he had developed feelings for and that he was going to tell him. I wished him all the best on that.
He then asked if I wanted a drink. I didn't as I had brought some bottled water. He decided he would and as he entered the kitchen, he suggested I be naked upon his return. Upon his return, I wasn't naked.
He let out a sigh of disappointment. I told him that I could really do with a shower before we started anything.

Now at this point I think I should let you know that about fifteen minutes or so had passed and in that fifteen minutes, I had had no stirrings whatsoever in the privates area and this was due to the fact that I just wasn't attracted to Chad.
Don't get me wrong, earlier when I looked at his face pic, I thought he looked fairly attractive and in the flesh he wasn't much different. Never the less, I didn't feel anything and that is why I suggested I take a shower.
My thoughts were that if I got in the shower and then requested he join me, it may turn me on.

He showed me where the bathroom was and I told him he could join me in a few minutes.
I stripped of and started to shower. A couple of minutes passed and then Chad opened the door and asked if he could join me yet. I said yes. Within seconds he had joined me and lets just say he had no problem with his stirrings.
I turned to face him and we started to kiss and embrace. Still nothing going on in my department. We kissed some more and then i suggested we wash.
A bit of lathering up was sure to be a turn on wasn't it? On this occasion it wasn't. There were two things I noticed. First of all Chad was circumcised and second, his choice of shower gel was horrendous. The fragrance just was not pleasant and did not help with the problem I was having.
I stood behind him desperately trying to get aroused but I was as limp as overcooked asparagus!
We decided to head for the bedroom and continue there. Chad asked if I had a problem. He had noticed the erectal malfunction. I told him it was just because I was a little nervous.
He asked if was because of him to which I quickly replied it was not. If only I had could have been Pinocchio that night but instead of my nose growing when I told a lie, something else.
We continued kissing and I eventually I made my way to his penis. If anything was going to arouse me, surely it was this. I couldn't believe it. Not even that made any difference. Maybe it was because he was circumcised. As you girls out there are probably aware and maybe some of you boys, when you go down on a circumcised man, it can be a little bit tricky. Quite sensitive and all that!
Anyway, I did my best and whilst Chad was having a splendid time, I wasn't!!!
Eventually he decided he would have a go on me. Now this I could guarantee I would enjoy. He made his way down and started the deed. You guessed it...nothing!

After a minute or so, he stopped. I apologised and once again said it was because I was really nervous as I'd never done the fuck buddy thing before.
I then thought of a solution. I asked Chad if he had any designer underwear. He had a pair of white Calvin Klein briefs. Oh yes I said..that would do the trick but only if they looked good on him.
He quickly made his way to the chest of drawers in the bedroom, grabbed the Calvins and had them on in an instant.
As you have probably worked out, I do have a thing for designer underwear and especially if they are brilliant white. None of this mucky white thank you very much and don't worry guys, it's only if they look good on you. Since I'm never going to meet a lot of the readers of this blog and I'm never going to see any of my male friends in their underwear, there is no need to panic..well maybe just a little bit!!!. Anyway...back to the Calvins.
They certainly did the trick and I was raring to go. We snogged, fondled, snogged some more and then I removed the briefs and you can guess what happened next.
Chad decided he wanted a turn. He would have to be quick as I could feel the excitement was leaving me again. I tried to think of things that turned me on..the white Calvins, Tom Welling, Bel Ami boys, Tom Welling and the Bel Ami boys in white Calvins. It seemed to do the trick and I was reaching the point of no return. A few minutes later, I was there. What a relief. I had managed to do what half an hour earlier I thought I would never be able to do. Chad seemed to enjoy it too.
He was still hard and it was now his go. I asked if he had any condoms. He said he didn't but that he was checked out a few weeks ago and all was fine. I told him I didn't care if he'd been checked the day before. There was no way he was going to enter me without a condom on. His reply was "Go on. Just for a little while".
Once again I said no to which he replied "Please". I still said no. He pleaded again and again and again.
The answer remained no and in the end I suggested he finish himself off.
I lay down beside him and caressed the inside of his leg whilst he jerked off. All the time he was doing this, I kept thinking how little chemistry there was between us and how little I was attracted to him. He carried on and the way he was doing it started to irritate me. Of course I didn't show this but inside I was wishing he would just come. Eventually my wish came true and let's just say he can't have been that excited as there was very little to come out of it.  I wasn't even atrracted to the man but had still managed to do better than him. Either that or I wasn't his first that day. I wasn't impressed.
Chad wiped himself down and we both dressed. He offered to give me a lift home which of course I accepted.

We arranged that we would meet up again in a couple of days for another session. I know what you're thinking..Why in earth did I agree to another session when the first one had been so difficult for me?
I thought that maybe it was just nerves and was prepared to try again. There was another reason too. At least I would be getting a little action all be it with someone that I did not really fancy.
It was not be though. We did not meet up again and that was the end of my fuck buddy partnership with Chad. I think, deep down, he knew it didn't feel right for me. If I'm honest, it was a relief. I'm not saying I would not try it again but there would have to be some chemistry and attraction on my part.
Those of you who can sleep with anyone without being attracted to the other person..well I take my hat off to you!!

Until next time, I bid thee goodnight!

It's nearly here. The big one in 2 weeks. Let me know how much you want to read it and leave a comment.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Shane - part 2

Hi folks. Well here it is, part 2 of the Shane story and as those of you who read last weeks blog are aware, things had not gone that well.
It was obvious he had a problem with him being gay and unfortunately it affected him in the bedroom department. I wasn't about to give in though. He was a nice guy and very good looking and it's a rare thing for me to find nice and handsome in the same bloke.
I text him a few times and he replied so I obviously thought he was still interested.
Eventually I sent him a text asking if he wanted to meet up again and to my surprise he said yes. I suggested we go see a movie and he said yes to that too.
Now as you are all well aware.. I don't do horror and when I do, it's only in certain circumstances.
This was one of those circumstances. Shane loved horror and it was agreed we would go see the remake of The Amityville Horror. To say I wasn't keen on having to watch a scary movie is an understatement but I was over the moon that we were going on a date.

We continued to text back and forth and were getting on really well and then the day of the date arrived.
I was so excited as I had made my mind up that I really liked Shane.
A bath and change of clothes later and I was at the cinema waiting for him. As usual, I was early which only achieves one thing, a guarantee that your stomach will start churning. This was no exception. It felt like I had eaten several vindaloos. I tried to think of something other than how bad my stomach was feeling but it wasn't helping. The only thing that was going to end my suffering was Shane. I looked at my mobile. The film didn't start for another twenty minutes and we had arranged to meet up ten minutes before the start of it.
The churning continued. It was so bad that I could have had a pint a milk and it would have made butter in my stomach.
The time started dragging so I decided to go buy the tickets. This turned out to be quite a good idea as now my mind was on other things. I felt so much better. It took about five minutes to buy them and make my way back to where I would be meeting Shane.
Then the moment arrived. He was here and looking just as nice as when we first met. He instantly saw me and walked over.
He said hi and I said hi back and then he said something that knocked me for six.
"I hope you don't mind that I brought my friend along"?
Friend. What the ...friend? Who on earth brings a friend on a date? That's what I was thinking until reality sank in. This wasn't a date. This was just Shane being friends. How could I get it so wrong?
All those text messages and not once did i get the hint he just wanted friendship.

I think I made some comment about the more the merrier but how I had already purchased two tickets.
Shane's friend was called Tom but to me he was just Gooseberry.
We purchased a third ticket and made our way to the screen. I had lost my appetite so no popcorn was purchased.
A few words were exchanged before the start of the film between myself and Shane. Tom hardly spoke which just infuriated me. It was bad enough that he'd  brought him on our date but even worse that he didn't seem to have the ability to talk with the exception of the hello he had muttered when we were introduced.

The film started and I managed to watch it all, even though the vast majority of it was through my fingers.
We made our way outside and I asked if they would like to go for a drink. Shane said he couldn't as he had to be up early the next day.
We said our goodbyes and I headed for the bus stop feeling rather foolish about the mistake I had made. At the same time, I was rather annoyed that he had given me the impression we were going on a date.

There were no more so called dates after that and only the occasional text. I saw Shane a few times on nights out and we did speak. I remember saying to him one night that he always looked uncomfortable and how I never saw him dance. He said he didn't dance to which I replied maybe he should try. It might loosen him up a little. He declined my offer to help him out.
The last time I saw him he said he was moving away from Leeds. If I'm honest, I didn't believe him and decided he would always be troubled by the fact he was a homosexual.

A few years later I was at work when in walked a customer, a male, dark hair and quite handsome. He made his way to the counter and asked a question. His accent was Irish. At first it didn't click but then, like thunderbolt, it hit was Shane.
"I know you" I said. He gave me a look and said he didn't recognise me. His eyes told me different. He knew exactly who I was.
This was it. this was my chance let him know how he made me feel.
"It's Shane isn't it"? He confirmed this but still denied all knowledge of me.
"We went on a date that turned out not to be a date" I quickly added.
"You must have a good memory" he said.
I then continued to tell him how I thought it was supposed to be a proper date and how I had misinterpreted things.

It was like I had been wearing the heaviest suit of armour in the world and then all of a sudden, as soon as I had said what I needed to say to him, the armour was gone.

We chatted for a little while and he eventually realised he knew me or shall we say he pretended he realised.
Shane has been back several times and we continue to have brief chats and if the truth be known, I would love to ask him him if he has overcome his problem, ask him if he has a boyfriend, if his family know and if they accept him for who he is, and if he is less reserved now. More importantly, I would love to ask him out on a proper date as he is still quite lush.
Saying that though, the last time I saw him, there was something very strange going on with his hair. Who am I kidding...i would still go on a date with him!!!

Until next time, I bid thee farewell.

Coming Soon...It's the big one. The confession to top all confessions!

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Shane - part 1

Hi guys. Sorry about the delay in this weeks blog. Damn Internet was going at a snails pace yesterday.
As usual, please be aware that there may be content of an adult nature.

Everyone settled? Then let us proceed.

Queens Court is the setting for today's confession. I was on a night out with a friend and having a jolly good time. A few vodka and cokes had entered my system and I was ready to dance. We made our way upstairs and headed for the dance floor. Now I have the strange idea that I am quite a good dancer and tonight was no exception. I was on fire. Each song that was played was a favourite and  I just danced and danced and danced, occasionally stopping for a pee break or to buy another drink.
My friend  Richard was also having a good time with the old dancing shoes all be it in strange way. Let's just say he liked to use his arms to interpretate the music. Never the less, he was enjoying himself and it was only a matter of time before we would end up wrapped around one of the poles that were placed at each end of the dance floor. The poles were on a plinth so you had to climb a little step ladder to get to them.
Usually it was worth the climb because there would always be another bloke dancing around the pole and more times than not you would end up getting to know that person using the art of touch. Many a muscle has been felt and kiss had by me whilst partaking in a spot of pole dancing.

On this night, it was not to be but I didn't care. I was having a whale of a time. Whilst up there it is always advisable to scan the dance floor and look for potential mates. I was doing just this when I suddenly caught the eye of chap in the corner. He had short black hair, was maybe just under six foot and was really rather gorgeous. I pointed him out to Richard and he agreed.
The guy looked a little lost and was just standing there with a drink in his hand, not dancing and looking at other guys in a nervous manner. It took me back to my very first time in a gay bar and I felt it my duty to go and talk to him.
Hi there I said to him to which he said hello back. You look a little lost I said and he replied that it was the first time he'd been in Queens Court and he was finding it all a little daunting.
We continued to chat, exchanged names and were really hitting it off. I was really quite chuffed with myself that I had actually approached a guy and was maintaining a  decent conversation with him.
He said he wasn't out to his family and I told him that it had been easier than I thought it would be to come out of the closet. His problem was his family were Irish and came from a very strong Catholic background and just would not approve of his choice of partner. It was sad to hear this and it does annoy me that most religions dictate what is right and wrong when it comes to sexual partners. As long as there is genuine attraction, what does it matter if we are the same sex? It's the same with families. You loved that person before they came out, so why should that change a persons feelings towards them and to be honest..I think there's a bit of gayness in everybody. Soap box bit over..back to the confession.

Shane and I continued talking and Richard joined in from time to time. The DJ announced he was playing the last two tracks for the night. By that announcement, I knew it was after 2am. Had we been talking all that time? Obviously we had.  I asked Shane if he would like to come back to my place. He declined but said I could go back to his. I wasn't going to say no to his very kind offer.
Richard was pleased that we were hitting it off and even happier that it looked like I was going to get a shag out of it. I'd had a dry spell and he knew it had been getting me down so this was very good for my ego.

Richard caught a separate taxi and  I caught one with Shane and we made our way back to his place. The journey looked familiar and it was only when Shane told me he shared a house with some students that I realised we were going to Headingley. You will know from a previous blog that I have had an encounter in Headingley before.

We arrived at our destination, paid the taxi driver and made our way to the front door. It was here that Shane proceeded to inform me that none of his housemates knew he was gay and that we would have to be very quiet. We entered the house and very quietly made our way upstairs. It felt like I was in a Bugs Bunny cartoon and I had the urge to turn my head and whisper "Shh...I'm hunting Wabbit!!".
Of course I didn't do this but slowly and silently made my way to Shane's bedroom. It was quite spacious but rather messy. To say he wasn't a student, I was rather surprised at just how untidy it was.
The bed was made and did look clean so I was thankful for that.
We had a little kiss and then Shane said he needed the toilet and that I should get into bed.
I stripped to my underwear and made myself comfy in his bed.
Shane flushed the toilet and made his way back to his room. Like me, he stripped to his underwear and got into bed. We chatted a little and had a few more kisses and then he asked if it would be alright if that was as far as it went this time?
Hearing this made me quite happy as it made me think that maybe he saw this developing into a relationship and didn't want to be seen as easy. I said I had no problem with that and gave him another kiss.
Shane turned the lamp off and i turned to my side and said goodnight. He wrapped his arm around me and then snuggled into my back. It was a lovely feeling and I had the biggest grin on my face.
A few minutes past when all of a sudden I could feel something digging in my back. No points for guessing what it was.
Had he changed his mind. Did he want things to go further after all? I was game if he was.
I turned onto my other side to face him and we started to kiss, our hands touching each others body. I slowly relieved Shane of his underwear. It was all getting rather passionate and we had ended up with Shane on his back and me on top of him. The kissing continued as did the touching and stroking. With each kiss, I made my way down his body until I was facing his erection. Being a hot blooded male who likes men, I did what came naturally.
Up until the doing what came naturally bit, all had been going well. Both of us were obviously aroused and enjoying ourselves but the moment I started to do the deed, it changed.
I could sense that all was not well with him so I stopped what I was doing and asked if he was ok.
He said he was fine but that this was the first time it had ever gone as far as this with a guy so it was all new to him. I asked if he wanted me to continue and he replied yes. Continue I did.
I tried to keep him aroused but it was becoming obvious that his arousal was no more. Once again I asked if he was ok but this time he replied no and asked if we could stop and go to sleep?
We chatted for a while and he told me how as soon as we had started with the oral sex, his family had entered his head and the fact that they were strong Irish Catholics and how much they would not approve of what he was doing. He had tried to erase the thoughts he was having but it wasn't happening. They were well and truly stuck in there. I told him it was fine and that we could always try another time when he was feeling more comfortable. What else could I say? I did like him too and wanted to show that I understood how he was feeling.
We eventually fell asleep and then it was morning. I asked if I could have a shower before we left and he said yes but to remember to be quiet. Shane had already taken a shower and I did as he asked and was very quiet and very quick.
Once again I had been wearing contact lenses and once again I had slept with them in all night which is most definitely a no no. My eyes were so dry and I really needed to take the lenses out hence why my shower was quick.
Shane ushered me out of the house like he was a rock star who'd hired a hooker for the night and didn't want the paparazzi to find out.
He agreed to walk me to the bus stop and on the way I asked if he'd like to meet up again sometime?
He said yes and we exchanged numbers. Did we meet again? Of course we did but you will have to wait until next Tuesday to find out what happened.

Until then..I bid thee farewell!!!

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Felix - part 3: The birth of Roberta.

Welcome to the final instalment of the Felix trilogy.

Well I was well and truly pissed that my rendezvous with Felix had ended a disaster. I wasn't naive enough to think a full time relationship could have evolved from meeting him but it would have been nice to have a bit of fun. I just could not get his body out of my toned, so smooth, so absolutely gorgeous.
I had to pull myself together and move on.
The time had come for me to go on Gaydar and start chatting again.
I logged on and headed for the chat room, said my usual hello and started reading what the other guys were talking about.
About ten minutes had passed when I received a private chat request. It was Felix. Should I accept the invite or decline?
Of course I accepted. It was Felix...remember..lovely body and all that!

We chatted for a while and then he mentioned that night and how it had ended. I felt I had to defend myself and advised if he looked at my profile he would see that it stated I was versatile. He didn't have to. He had already looked.
I told him he would have been the first guy I had been top with but that did not mean it would have been rubbish. He apologised as did I. If I had not said what I said, maybe the night would have ended perfectly.
We continued with the conversation and then he said that he did like me. Was he trying to say that we should try again? I wasn't sure. Maybe he  just meant as a friend. Then he suggested we meet up again. Straight away I said yes.
It was agreed that we would go to the cinema again and then shopping. Shopping..not back to his place? This confirmed to me that he just meant as friends.  I wanted it to be a meet where both of us ended up naked again but I'd said yes so couldn't get out of it now.

The day arrived and I made my way to Bradford. Once again Felix was a little late. We made our way to the cinema and purchased tickets for Haunting in Connecticut.
Now it is a well known fact that I very rarely watch scary movies due to the fact that they do actually scare me. The only jumps I require are those of the sexual kind thank you very much.
There are only two instances where I would go to the cinema to watch one. The first is if I have watched the trailer and actually thought it didn't look too scary. The other is if I fancy a guy and know that guy likes scary films.
Felix had mentioned during our very first chat that he had watched a scary movie that night so I presumed he was a horror fan. I fancied Felix and thus my decision to watch a scary movie was made.
How wrong could I have been? About 40 minutes into the film Felix turned to me to say he had to go.
I asked him why and replied because the film was too scary. I looked at him and said I thought you loved scary movies? He hated scary films. I let out a little laugh and told him I didn' like them either and had only chosen this one because I thought he did. I also told him there was no way we were leaving now. It was scary but I was enjoying the film. There was also the little fact that I had purchased the tickets and no way was that money going to be wasted. He laughed  and we continued to watch it.
When it had finished, we left the cinema. Both of us were a little shaken but it had been an enjoyable film.
Then Felix asked if I would kike to go back to his place? That was not what I was expecting him to say.
Had I impressed him by going to see a film I would not normally watch just because I thought he did? Were we going to try and rekindle what we had failed to do previously? There was only one way to find out.

We made our way to his place and I have to admit, I was rather excited. The vision of that lovely body of his had already entered my mind and I was well and truly turned on.
What happened  next certainly exstinguished that flame I was holding for him.

I was sat on his bed and Felix started to talk. He told me how he had just broken up with his boyfriend who, like me, was an older man. His ex had been in touch the day before and wanted for them both to give things another go. Felix had said yes. Was I hearing correctly here? There I was thinking we were going to sleep together when in actual fact, there was no way that was going to happen. Foolish is an understatement on how I was feeling. There was more.
He mentioned how his ex only liked to sleep with him when he was dressed a certain way. I did the right thing and put how I was feeling to one side and started acting like a friend.
"There's nothing wrong with dressing up to please your boyfriend " I said.
That wasn't what he was getting at. "There is something I haven't told you" he said.
I asked what was it and he was a little dubious to tell me. That lasted for a few minutes and then he told me.
"I'm a drag queen" he blurted out, to which I replied "Oh".

Ladies and gentlemen...I give you Roberta or to be precise..Roberta Rocks!

Shocked is probably not good enough a word to describe how his announcement made me feel. Of course, I tried not to show this and continued chatting. His ex only liked to sleep with him when he was Roberta and they went out on the town only when he was her too.
I asked if he had a photos of  her. He was a bit unsure whether to let me look or not but in the end he did.

Now I am not one to judge people on their choices but the way I look at it, if you want to be a woman in your spare time, you should at least try and look like a woman. Felix didn't. When dressed as Roberta, you could still see that she was a man. Maybe it was the wig, the clothes, the make-up or something else but whatever it wasn't pleasing to the eye.
I lied and said she was beautiful then continued to ask about the ex that was soon to become boyfriend again.
The were going to meet up the next day and sort things out. Felix then put his Roberta head on and said he had better buy her something expensive. "A girl likes to be treated" he said.

I suggested we make our way into town as I had to get home for a certain time. He agreed so off we went.

Surreal is the only way I can describe what happened next.

The first shop we went to was a wig shop. Felix was looking for a new wig for Roberta.
"I'm a drag queen darling and looking for some new hair" he said to the assistant.
I stood there watching him try wigs on and then found myself picking wigs out with him too. This was turning into the strangest day ever.
We left the shop empty handed and made our way to River Island. Thank you I thought to myself. A shop with men's clothes. Was Felix looking for men's clothes? Of course he wasn't. We were there for Roberta.
First thing we looked at was ladies underwear followed by skirts, dresses, blouses and finally onto shoes.
He tried several pairs on but none of them he liked.
He seemed to be getting a lot pf pleasure out of announcing he was a drag queen at every given opportunity which just made me feel more and more uncomfortable.
If I'd been there with him dressed as Roberta, I don't think I'd have minded but here we were, two guys looking at ladies clothing and shoes and him trying them on. We left River Island empty handed too.
Several shops later, it was time for me to depart for Leeds.
Felix had bought the grand total of nothing for Roberta and I was just desperate to get home.
We said our goodbyes an I wished him well with his ex.
The train departed with me on it and all I could do was reflect on what had occurred that day. The only thing I could do was put it all down to experience.

Before I finish, I just need to say i have nothing against men who want to be drag queens. I actually find some of them very very funny and some glamorous. There has even been one or two I have fancied.
My problem that day was that I was thrown in at the deep end. Maybe when we left to go shopping, I should have known we would be looking for Roberta but I didn't and it made me feel uneasy.
If I'd known from the start, then I would have handled the whole situation a lot better.

Felix and I kept in contact for a few months after that by text and gaydar  and we met up one more time to do an aerobics class.
The last time i heard from him was in 2010.
I really hope he is happy whether it be as Felix or Roberta and even now I sometimes think of that body and how close I came to making love to him....only sometimes mind you!

Until next Tuesday..I bid thee farewell.