So there I was in the Garden of Gayness known as Queens Court. There was no such thing as the smoking ban at that time and it was the first thing I noticed. The first thought that entered my mind was how disgusting my clothes would smell. I had never seen so many people smoking in one place before and it appeared that one had to be a heavy smoker to be gay!
The second thing I noticed was that there were a fair few lesbians here too. Butch, pretty, fat, thin and some just plain ugly.
I made my way to the bar to order a vodka and coke, trying very hard to convince everyone I passed that it wasn't my first time here. The lack of heads turning as I did, made me think I had achieved this.
After paying for my drink, I decided to explore my new and exciting surroundings. This took all of a minute as the downstairs part of Queens Court is rather small and it was full of gay folk.
I then realised that I didn't really know what to do next. Should I try and talk to someone and if I did, how on earth do I start the conversation?
This was too much for me, so I decided the best thing to do was find somewhere to sit. Thankfully, there were plenty of vacant seats and I quickly made my way to one and then did what seemed perfectly natural to me..I pretended to read a text message on my phone. The idea here was that if anyone was watching me, they would see me doing this which would suggest that I was waiting for someone and that the message I was reading was he, she or them saying they were on their way. The only downside to this was that eventually, it would become obvious I had been stood up.
So there I was, sipping my vodka and coke, pretending to read the odd text message and watching guys walk past and generally crapping myself. Despite this feeling of sheer terror I was so proud of myself that I had done it. I had actually come to a gay bar without the aid of a friend or several drinks beforehand.
After and hour and a second vodka and coke, the nerves really started to kick in. Not a single guy had come up to me. There had been plenty walk past me, some extremely pleasing to the eye too, but not a single look from any of them.
I started to over think things. Why wasn't anyone trying to talk to me. Was I too fat, too thin, too small, too shy or maybe I was ugly to them? It was then that I started to panic inside.
This was the biggest night of my life and I wanted some kind of attention to show that I had made the right decision to come here..a chat, a kiss, a glance or even a smile from another guy would have made it worth the while.
Then it happened...He walked past me. I thought I recognised him as he made his way to the toilet but wasn't sure. I kept an eye out for him coming back. A few minutes later and he did and this time he saw me.
Who was this beacon of light, this man who would be my saviour?
It was Rikii!
Tune in next week for the 3rd and final instalment of this confession.
Until then, I bid thee farewell.