Now where was I?..Oh yes, I was down to 2 potential dates.
I had reached the final 2 in 2 days so used the 3rd day to get to know them. The guys who made the cut were Larry and Boris (as in previous blog, not their real names). Messages were sent and received and all seemed to be going well. It was looking like I might actually be going on 2 dates, it was that hard to choose.
Little did I know that the decision was to be made for me!
Boris sent me a text asking for my mobile number. Even though things were going smoothly, swapping numbers was not on the agenda for me so I replied to him "I'd like to get to know you a little bit more before I swap numbers. Hope you understand".
His reply was as follows:
FUCK OFF YOU TIME WASTING BASTARD!!!
Well you can imagine my shock at that message? Needless to say..I did not contact him again.
This meant that Larry was the one I would proceed with.
So far he had told me a fair bit about himself. He was a librarian at the Leeds City Library, good looking , muscular build and sounded like my type of guy.
I was beginning to think that the way he was describing himself, he may be slightly out of my league.
Hate that there is this so called league but never the less..it exists!!!
We continued sending texts to each other over the course of a few days and then I received the text that should have sent me packing.
He wrote "there's something you need to know".
I asked him what was it?
He replied "I live at home with my Mother".
Now as he had told me he was only in his 20's, I just thought he hasn't got round to finding a place of his own yet and I did think it was rather sweet so I replied "that's ok".
Thinking that was the end of it, we continued to text each other. Then it got a little bit weird.
The latest text went along the lines off "I've told mother all about you and she thinks we should meet up".
I was beginning to think that maybe he was a mummy's boy but again, I let it drop.
Little did I realise just how much worse it was going to get.
Every message I received after that one, started with Mother and I. Things like Mother and I think you sound nice and Mother and I feel you should come for tea and I was talking to Mother and she suggests.
I was starting to freak out slightly.
Then one day, I received a text which started the usual way. I couldn't reply to the text as I was working.
Two hours later, I received a second text which went something like this:
"Mother and I are very disappointed in you. We have opened up our hearts and welcomed you into our lives. We have shown nothing but affection for you, yet you have treated us in an appalling manner.
You have lost out on what was possibly the best thing ever to happen to you. I hope you're happy. Goodbye!"
This, just because I hadn't replied to a text message in the allocated time frame. This was my reply:
"Well I really don't know what all that was about. Not that I owe you an explanation but if it's because I haven't replied to your previous message, I was at work and unable to.
All I can say is it's been fun. Thanks for the shits and giggles.
And one more thing...say hello to Mother for me!
He replied "FUCK OFF!"
I didn't reply.
Now you would have thought that was the end of it but it wasn't. I was really angry that I'd wasted all my time and energy on this guy and he'd turned out to be a dick and as I suspected, a mummy's boy.
I imagined a Norman Bates scenario. Him at home with his mobile saying look Mummy..another message from that guy I like. His Mother dead in an armchair in the corner of the room.
Anyway, I decided I would go to the library and confront him. I was sure that librarians wore name badges so would be able to pick him out.
The next day i marched into the library. There were 2 guys working and both were rather dishy. Maybe he had been telling the truth about his looks and maybe I should forgive him and try and start afresh.
They were both wearing name badges but neither of them were called Larry.
I decided to stay in the library a little while. It was lunchtime so maybe Larry was on lunch.
To be honest, I had quite a nice hour or so looking through all the books on cinema.
Still no sign of Larry so I decided enough was enough. I would call it a day and put it down to experience.
That was the end of it until a couple of years later.
I was at work one day when a young man, probably late 20's came into the shop I worked in. He was with an elderly lady. They both did some browsing. I didn't think anything of it until he came to the counter and uttered those immortal words "Mother and I were just wondering"
Like a bolt out of the blue it hit me. My heart sank and my legs turned to jelly. It took every ounce of strength for me not to fall.
Before me did not stand a good looking man, muscular build and all the good stuff that I had been told all those months ago. Here stood a man who had greasy hair, tobacco stained teeth, a weedy build, scruffy clothing and who had a most revolting smell. A mixture of rotten tobacco and sweat that was a few days old.
Could this be Larry. Had I indeed had the most luckiest of escapes?
To this day, I cannot be sure he was Larry but what I can say is that the man who stood before me did mention he used to work in a library. Coinsidence??..I think not!!!
So my advice to anyone thinking of placing an ad in the paper to find true love is..Forget it!!!
There are some proper freaks out there.
Until next time. I bid thee all goodnight!!!